I'm Tired, but I'll Live
by AkaiYuu
Summary: After the war, Ichigo was tired. Uryu thinks Ichigo might have PTSD, and together, the two cousins try to cope the after effects of the war. Post-QuincyWar, no slash, one-shot, COMPLETED.


**Review would be apreciated and welcome!**

 **Disclaimer : I do not own Bleach.**

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Chapter 1:

Ichigo was... tired. He wondered for a moment, what had he done wrong, why he felt so exhausted. Well, maybe fighting two wars in a row had something to do with it. However, if he said he regret his interference in those wars, he would be lying. No matter what had happened, he still helped his friends, and he would not trade anything for that.

True, most of them has more experience than him. Heck, even Toshirou was older than him, and so by default had more experience (people often say experience comes with age after all). But no matter what, he was stronger, and with that he had more responsibility to use it to protect those he cared. The drawback was the wariness he felt, he felt like a soldier, going home from battlefield.

Not long after that, he lost some weight. His friends' attitudes were different, even his father treatments towards him changed. Well, he did not treated him like glass, but he never attacked him (hugs or not he still thought it was an attack) suddenly anymore, except for the first time when he went home. He panicked that time, and threw his father to the other side of the room, which was normal, albeit he used more of his strength than usual, but the terror in his eyes he could not hide. Since then, dad was always tactful when it came to him. The nightmares plaguing him did not helped. He often woke up in the middle of night screaming, waking up the whole neighborhood.

PTSD, Uryu had said. Many soldiers after experiencing wars had them. Jittery feeling, depression, nightmares, moody, getting some unwanted flashbacks were most of the symptoms. Uryu was the only one that treated him the same, like before this shit happened, before Aizen happened, but not before Rukia though, which he was thankful for. Ichigo wondered, whether Uryu was experiencing the same and he just smiled back sadly.

'Of course,' he responded, 'I had it since Aizen war.'

Since then, the two of them helped each other. The knowledge that they were cousin made the whole process less awkward. After realizing Ichigo had come to his house several times, Ryuuken-ossan(1) made the guest room as his, so that when it was already late he could just bunked up at there.

His father did not question him, he deduced that Ryuuken-ossan had told him all via phone, so he avoided his dad as much as he could. Yuzu and Karin often questioned him though, where did he go or why he did not ate with them, well at least Yuzu did the asking and Karin just glared the question to him. He had answered he was kind of busy right now, and it would be different after a while, in hope that he could be the same, which he doubted.

Gradually, the nightmares receded. Uryu's treatment worked. However, his wariness did not disappear. He did not want another war, another rebellion, and most importantly, he suddenly did not want to fight anymore, watching his friends dying, helpless. Being a soldier sucked, and he was already rather good with it. Heck, he was one of the strongest fighter in Soul Society, in par if not more powerful than most captains.

That day, he watched his father, who is working in his clinic. 'Oyaji(2), I want to be a doctor like you,' he blurted out of the blue.

His father was startled, eyes bulged, focused at him. 'What brought this?'

'I...' he hesitated, but did not back up, 'am tired of fighting,' was the only answer he provided.

But his dad understood, and nodded sagely. 'Come, I will teach you the basic.'

After that scene, he always helped his father when he worked. Even a little scratch from a little kid, he would try to fix it. Then, his father taught him kidō(3), as it would be needed in the after life. Hadō(4), bakudō(5), fū(6), kekkai(7) and most importantly, kaidō(8). He had some troubles at first: too many reiatsu(9), lost of focus, unstable reiatsu, wrong incantations, and many more. But in the end, he got the hang of it. Thanks gods he had good memories, if not, it would be more troublesome.

The incantation was annoying, although he could lived with it. He recited them until his mouth tasted like sand, but still did not give up when the spells went wrong, or blew up on his face. Now, he knew what it felt, and why Renji hated them so much. But they would help him if his friends were hurt, or when situation went wrong, and so, giving up was not an option. His father was proud at the end of his training. Urahara too (he helped when he knew, especially on bakudō and fū, since he was practically a master at those).

Preparing to university was boring, especially if compared with his kidō lessons. He was quite smart, even flipping and skimming his text-books he could get the 12th rank. And so, getting to the University of Tokyo with Uryu was not difficult. He was majoring in medicine, and Uryu in fashion design, the two of them were quite famous later on. Uryu was quite talented after all, and he because his blazing orange colored hair. But lives went on.

The wariness also slowly faded away, leaving him in peace. Later, he went back and forth to the Soul Society, sometimes helping the reconstruction, sometimes sparring with the 11th divisions to keep him in shape, sometimes on the 4th, helping Isane-san(1) with the injured souls. But the time of peace had come. Uryu was also helping, he became the mediator of the Quincy and Shinigami, just like him, but for Arrancar and Shinigami. He sometimes wondered, if this live worth it, whether the troubles worth it. And this time, looking at the cheerful faces of his _alive_ friends, and decided that yes, it worth everything and beyond.

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 **(1) -san, -kun, -chan : was usually used in Japanese, it was like Ms, or Mr or Mrs in English.  
** **-ossan means Uncle.  
** **(2) Oyaji means dad, or father in informal way.  
** **(3) kidō, literaly means "Demon/ Spirit Way" is a mean of Shinigami or Death God combat using reiatsu.  
** **(4) hadō is one of kidō classification, means way of destruction.  
** **(5) bakudō is also one of kidō classification, means way of binding.  
** **(6) fū, means seals.  
** **(7) kekkai, means barriers  
** **(8) kaidō, means healng kidō.  
** **(9) reiatsu : spiritual pressure.**

 **More about PTSD : diseases-conditions/post-traumatic-stress-disorder/basics/definition/con-20022540**


End file.
